got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
