I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
