Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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