He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
