just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
