omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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