I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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