btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
