That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
