we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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