She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
