I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
two words...techno handjob
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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