Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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