we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
