What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
