what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
