Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
