dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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