Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
