Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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