The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
