Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
