Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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