Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
