god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
