he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
