you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
