singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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