remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
