garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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