I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
