tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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