Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
