Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Welp...herpes.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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