We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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