You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
