My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
