hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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