I wish I could punch you in the face.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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