I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
