Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
