so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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