My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
