he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I smell like Dick and happiness
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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