hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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