I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize