he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So much Jack, so little girl.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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