dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
