You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize