I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
