just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
