Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize