at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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