I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
