I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
