so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
