Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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