never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
