...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
