It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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