i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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