Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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