she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
