I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
