the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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