I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
