how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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