there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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