lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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