can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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