He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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