And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
3pm strippers are depressing
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
